PRE-birthday bants

Hi guyysss. I love Wednesdays because we get to talk about anything ! !! 

Today, we’ll be talking about my birthday! Yupsy!!! And you know why it’s such a big deal? It’s because I’ll turn 21 on the 14th of this month!!! yeah real adulty lol. 

Anyways darls, I’m not too happy that I’m overly hyped, but I really can’t help it. The reason why I’m not happy is because I have a tugging feeling at the back of my mind telling me I won’t enjoy it. Plus most times when I get too happy about stuff, nothing pretty comes out of it. I just get disappointed :(. 

Lemme give you a brief summary of some of my birthdays. 

16th birthday, grandma came to school, she bought me a cake and stuff and we had fun in my room with my roommates! It was amazing!!! 

17th birthday, can’t remember what happened exactly, but it was at home, and I definitely enjoyed it,because I was with my family. I love my family and I love spending time with them too. 

18th birthday, was great but not so great, my roommates gave me stuff, my bedmate gave me a towel I’m currently using, but I cried, because for some reason I didn’t feel like she supported me. I preferred her love to the gift, but she was on the bed doing whatever it was she was doing, and that just made me cry really hard. We haf something like a get together, but I really needed the love. 

19th birthday. Oh my God I was looking forward to that day man! But then I think we had an exam or a test on my birthday! So my friends and I pulled an all-nighter. I slept like throughout that day. Nobody came around to wish me a happy birthday, so I went to my friend’s hostel and slept!!! Went to town to visit my male friends (they lived together) I saw a movie with one of them and that was the end. Oh I just remembered I was forced to take the three of them out. I didn’t even have money, but one of them helped me (he paid half) with the bills. 

20th birthday. Leaving the teenage years behind. I waited for this day for months! !! It finally came, two friends came to say hi (that was all) and when I got back to my room I saw a cake first time I would ever receive a cake as a gift from a friend, it was a surprise that wasn’t supposed to be a surprise (he’s the only one that can understand lol. An inside joke). I felt so bad later on. No one came to visit me except for another friend. I  felt so unimportant. I was so moody!!! And sad. I just ate my cake. I gave large chunks out, I didn’t have many people to share with(hurt like hell) so my roommates had more). My friend came over (the guy that brought the cake) I should have been happier he made me happier, but I allowed other feelings to ruin everything. He gave me a bottle of wine and Raybans™ I dinnor know what to say. Said thank you. I eventually tried to enjoy the day thanks to him, I apologized for not seeming like I  appreciated it. I did so freaking much. I still have the shades which I still treasure lol. 

21st birthday. Tuesday, 14th March and I’m scared. I’m scared because I want it to be a great day, but I’ll be at work and it will be highly uneventful, plus I’ll be tired when I get back. I want it to be different from the other birthdays. I love birthdays, plus being 21 is so freaking cool. I  get to be a real adult tehehe. Just to make the day quite different, I’ll get my nails done. I haven’t used fake nails ever (Oh except for that one time I acted a role) I think it’ll be pretty, I’ll rock my natural hair in a nicer way, I’ll drag myself to the cinema(but no, I don’t think I want to do that. I’ll feel quite lonely), so, I’ll probably just sleep and write or read.  I believe birthdays should be marked or celebrated with loved ones. Arrgh. I wish I was home with my family though. It would be “funner” I know. I should get myself something special. 

You know what, since I really want that day to be different, I’ll tell God about it. I DO NOT want to be moody on that day. Can any one give me ideas on what I  could do? I don’t want clubs, parties alcohol (cause that’s all I’m seeing on the Internet)  

Love y’all. P. S please Read Redeeming love by Francine Rivers. I know I don’t sound convincing, but you have ti trust me. I may talk about it later.